"Are you your own worst critic?" If so, this episode is a must-listen as it offers practical strategies to shift that mindset. I delve into the power of supportive self-talk and its role in building self-confidence. Drawing from personal experiences, I explore the effects of constant apologies on self-esteem and how mindfulness of our words can make a significant difference. I'll also share handy tips, like using uplifting post-it messages and reframing difficult tasks as temporary hurdles to bolster confidence. This episode concludes with an emphasis on self-kindness, exploring how it not only benefits us but also profoundly affects our relationships. So, tune in and get ready to transform your self-dialogue and become your own best teammate.
Podcast Disclaimer:
The Pain-Free Podcast is presented solely for general information, education, and entertainment purposes. Any information presented in this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional diagnosis. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. As always, users should not disregard or delay obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition that they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
"Are you your own worst critic?" If so, this episode is a must-listen as it offers practical strategies to shift that mindset. I delve into the power of supportive self-talk and its role in building self-confidence. Drawing from personal experiences, I explore the effects of constant apologies on self-esteem and how mindfulness of our words can make a significant difference. I'll also share handy tips, like using uplifting post-it messages and reframing difficult tasks as temporary hurdles to bolster confidence. This episode concludes with an emphasis on self-kindness, exploring how it not only benefits us but also profoundly affects our relationships. So, tune in and get ready to transform your self-dialogue and become your own best teammate.
Podcast Disclaimer:
The Pain-Free Podcast is presented solely for general information, education, and entertainment purposes. Any information presented in this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional diagnosis. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. As always, users should not disregard or delay obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition that they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
Welcome to the Pain Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones. I am a certified personal trainer and I'm here to help you achieve your fitness goals without pain. In each episode, I'll share tips and strategies that will help you stay safe and pain free while you're working out. I'll also interview experts in the field of fitness and pain management. So if you're ready to learn how to stay active and pain free, then subscribe to the Pain Free Athlete Podcast today. Hi everyone and welcome to the Pain Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones.
Speaker 1:
Today's topic is self-talk. This is something that has recently been a discussion in my house and I thought that we should probably talk about it a little bit, because it was kind of interesting hearing the insights of my 23 year old and his idea of self-talk and kind of how to, I guess, stop it or correct it or whatever. So how many of you have ever hung up a TV? You know it's kind of weird, right, when we were kids, we just got a TV, we threw it on top of an entertainment center or shelf or something like that and then we watched it. But now the interesting aspect of, like you know, installing this thing on the wall and doing, you know, making sure the screws are right, making sure the measurements are right, making sure that it's centered where you want it. Is it going to, you know, come out properly or you're going to be able to see it, the whole deal. And so my son and I were in the process of trying to take the old TV off the wall, which was a beast and it was just so heavy. And you know, we're doing all these things and we're it's. I think he's getting used to my shall we say, I don't know flexibility with certain things, like I'm like, oh, we can't do that. Well, if we do this, this and this, then we can do that.
Speaker 1:
And anyway, he and I were sitting there and I said something, I think I dropped a screw and I started to almost say like you know, damn it kind of thing, and I stopped myself and I went, oops, and I looked at him and I said I'm working on myself talk, because I'm finding that when I'm doing things like I spill my coffee, or you know, that seems to be the theme right, I've been spilling my coffee a lot lately because it's getting to the end of the semester and I'm really tired and having a hard time staying focused in the morning. And so I, you know, either don't screw the top on or I just knock it over or do whatever. And I keep spilling it. And so I spill the coffee and I go, oh you know, damn it, can't believe you did that. You know, like, I did it on purpose.
Speaker 1:
And I started thinking about it like, wow, that is a lot of crap for one seven o'clock in the morning and two for something that was just a mistake or an accident, right, you know, I didn't go out there and say, you know I'm going to go and spill my coffee on purpose, right, kind of thing. And so, as I was thinking about it and like and I can't remember, I heard something it's like how do you talk to yourself? Like, would you talk to you know little data? Would you tell you know five year old? Would you like I can't believe you did that. You did it on purpose. You know when they're making a mistake and of course I wouldn't do that to a little kid, right? So why do I do it to myself?
Speaker 1:
And what I realized is that a tremendous amount of the negative energy or the negative talk that's going on in my head comes from me and that sucks. And so I had to come up with an idea of, like, how do I change this? Like, what is it going to look like? And reflecting back and thinking about my college athletic career and just being an athlete in general you know, I've talked about this before is that there's a lot of comparisons. Right, we compare oh, she's running faster, he's doing this better, oh, their swing is cleaner. You know, whatever it may be, whatever sport you're looking at, and but even that right is me telling myself you can't do what they're doing. They may be doing fine or they may be doing worse than I am, but for whatever reason, I got into this habit and I don't know when it started, you know, I don't know if it was because I was a little girl and trying to compare myself, or I wanted to be the best, because isn't it cool to be the best? Right, like you want to be, like. Yeah, it's me, I can do this. Right, because everybody wants to be a little star, especially when you're a kid, because you get the little stars, you get the little ribbon, you know, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:
But somewhere along the line I started kind of chastising myself for everything I did. Oh, you didn't do that, right? No, you didn't. And then I find it creeping into conversations where somebody will say something to me and I'll say, oh well, you know, if it was me I probably wouldn't be able to do that. Or you know, oh, you do it so well. And the person will say, oh, you do it well too. Oh, no, no, no, you know, right, I get that compliment off me because it's against my core here of talking badly to myself. So why I'm talking about it is because it's a large part of, I think, what women do. I mean, I think everybody does it, but I feel like women do it more. We kind of crap on ourselves and we crap on each other for sure.
Speaker 1:
And how do you change that? What does that look like? Right, some people find it difficult to, you know, just deal with any kind of compliment, right, it makes us uncomfortable for somebody to notice us or to say something. And I realized like at least for me, and I guess we'll just talk about me, since I'm the only one here that it is ingrained. It becomes a habit, right, which is, you know, any basic. You know, habit-forming thing is 21 days, right.
Speaker 1:
And you know we're talking now, like you know, 40-some-odd years, right, I've been talking to myself poorly for all this time, but I realized I needs to change. Right, I don't want to talk to my children that way. I don't chastise them for making a mistake of anything. I go oh, you made a mistake, so sorry, you know, and I want to help them out. So the idea that I would talk to myself that way is really discouraging. So how do we change it? Well, you know, I started looking at it and I started.
Speaker 1:
You know, one of the things that happened right, it's like usually when there's a mistake, right, that's those are the minimal things. Right, just at home, you know, you trip, you do something, you drop something, whatever, right, that's when that damn it. I can't believe I did that, you know, kind of thing. So I've learned to replace damn it with oops and it works about 50% of the time. Right now I'm still working on it.
Speaker 1:
Progress, right, not perfection, but just that idea of saying oops and then going, oh, it's okay, I can clean this up or I can do whatever, right, cause nothing's ever gone. You know, especially with Amazon, right, I can order it two days from now. So you know, there's no need to really feel like this is the end of the world. And of course, you know, a deeper therapeutic dive would say, like I was always afraid as a child of making mistakes because then I would get chastised right. And that's what's like, sometimes, growing up an alcoholic home is that you feel the need to be perfect, and of course that all stems from it, you know. But here I am now at this age and I have to make that adjustment, like what am I going to do? How is this going to change? So the first thing is just saying like, oops, okay, yeah, I made that right. And then cleaning it up and then not worried about it and not telling everybody about, oh, I spilled my coffee. I can't believe I was so stupid. I was trying to rush, you know whatever. No, no storyline that goes along with it. Oops, clean it up, call it a day and I'm done.
Speaker 1:
But as I was thinking about it, I was like, holy crap, like as an athlete, there is some stuff that goes through. You know there's a lot of different things and you know it depends on the sport that you participate in. You know, I was a college softball player, so there was a lot of discussion. When you're standing at the plate, you know, of course it's like I can't believe you let that pitch go by. Oh, that was perfect. What are you waiting for, you know? Oh, I didn't hit that cleanly, that sucked. You know there's that kind of stuff and, again, I've been working on those kinds of things, but I find that with softball it's harder because a lot of it is spontaneous. So I'm hoping that my at-home habits will help me when I play softball or do something else.
Speaker 1:
When you're in, when I'm participating in triathlon, because everything is longer and it's endurance, there is a rhythm to things, and so I find that I start kind of talking to myself in a different manner and almost in a meditative kind of cadence-y way of you know, doing things Like this is fine, you know, you're doing great. You know almost a self encouragement. I'm trying to be the cheerleader that I need and, you know, sometimes I believe it, sometimes I don't. But that fear has to be soothed in some way, and the only way that I could think of is by cheering right, like what do I do for other people when they look uncomfortable or whatever? If I'm coaching somebody Right, I'm cheering them on. We're having a conversation, we're talking about how we're gonna push through it, because most likely, everybody pushes through everything, you know. And then, of course, I cheer cheer them on when they're done.
Speaker 1:
And so now I'm starting to do that for myself. Like, what can I do? How do I say so? When I'm swimming, you know the same thing. It's like it's very rhythmic, and I go through the process of talking to myself You're doing great, this feels lovely. Oh, look at the sky, it's so blue. Instead of going. Oh, your elbow is not high enough. Oh, the catch wasn't right. Oh, that kick felt funky. Yeah, whatever, let it all go. Right, just enjoy the moment while you're in there. Right, how does that work when you play a team sport? Right, I think it's easier to be honest. Right, like I've always, like when I played softball, I always cheered for everybody else. Right, you know I could support you. This is what we got this. Right, you're doing this.
Speaker 1:
You know even the act of like on the field and saying things, because there is this deafening silence of when shit is going sideways in a game and you can feel it right and it's and it's bad. You know, like, I can't even imagine professional athletes, because it's got to be crazy for them as well, because then you have 40 50,000 people just not saying a word or not encouraging. But when you're playing like recreational sports and there's nobody else there and there's nobody else saying anything, and then you're giving up runs or you do, it feels like, you know, the world is just raining shit all over you, your teammates cheering you on can make the difference and and it's you know, obviously for a pitcher like I would never be a pitcher just for the fact that I don't think I Can, I don't know I get. I'm trying to stop myself from saying something negative. There you go.
Speaker 1:
I believe it's a very difficult position mentally to be, to disconnect from it because of the fact that it does, it's all starts with you and that's a lot of pressure and I don't always like that kind of pressure. You know I enjoy contributing, but I don't know if I want to be the person who starts everything. So For you, listening here, like what happens right? Like where do you do? So? You find the little things right. When are you saying the damn it? Whatever your name is? When are you apologizing For something you know right? How many times a day do you apologize?
Speaker 1:
I had a cousin that I think I'm sorry was the beginning of every sentence she said, and it drove me crazy because of the fact that I didn't even know what she was sorry for half the time, because I was so pissed off that she said she was sorry but she'd be sorry that, like I don't know, my arm hurt, or she'd be sorry that, you know, the dog threw up on the ground or whatever. Like it was just ridiculous. It was just so much apart and she also came from a funky Upbringing, so there's no real surprise that I'm sorry was a large part of her vocabulary. But how many times are you saying I'm sorry? How many times are you cussing yourself out for something that you're doing? How many times are you comparing yourself against Anybody you know for something that you're doing and something that you're being an expert in? How many times are these things happening a day and then choose something what is something that you can change? You know, is it the oops? Is it you got this right? High five, you know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:
How do you support yourself? How are you good teammate to you? Right, how? Because a lot of times, right, you know what do they say everything's an inside job. How are you Bumping yourself up even when you don't feel like it? Like, get in the habit of saying something like a job, right?
Speaker 1:
There's a lot of times one of my clients teases me because sometimes when I'm working out, because I coach so many people For so long that even when I'm working out I coach myself, and I'll you know, and I'll say, oh, like good job, that's good, all right, yeah. And then I realize I'm talking to myself, but you know, it's not. At least I'm saying nice things, right instead. Oh crap, you could have, you know, done better on that rapper or whatever, not that I say that to my clients, but you get the point. So how are you confident in yourself, right, which? What is the way that you can build up that confidence? What are the little things that you can do? You know we all heard about the post-it notes. Throw a post-it note on the bathroom mirror Right, put it somewhere, you know in front of the refrigerator, like hey, smile, you're awesome today.
Speaker 1:
You know little things of encouragement and I think that it will change that my son said when we were talking about this and he goes back and he said he's changing the way that he phrases things in his head. So, instead of like I can't or whatever they say, this is difficult for me now, right, at the you know, at this time, or something like that. So that way it's not a definitive statement, right, it's not something that's saying like I suck now, or I suck and then period. Right, it's like you know I'm finding this difficult now, right, and part of the things that he's rock climbing and there's a lot of challenges. They're rock climbing and it's very intimidating.
Speaker 1:
You go out there you see people and they're like squirrels. They just run up the wall. Not everybody is that person and you know it's just like any other gym where people compare. You know they're beginnings to somebody else's middles and to somebody else's ends, and you know you just got to stay in your lane and you got to do the right thing for yourself. So you know it's. It's a good thing, right, change is a good thing, especially if it's about supporting yourself, and I think that doing this work and you working on you know what are the things that you're doing.
Speaker 1:
When you're pedaling the bike, what are you saying? Are you saying, oh god, I wish this is over? Are you suck? Why didn't you ride? You know whatever. Why aren't you pushing harder that kind of thing?
Speaker 1:
Or are you being kind to yourself? Because it all starts with you and you're teaching your children how to treat themselves? You're teaching your friends how to treat you. You're teaching your family members what's the expectation? And If you're chastising yourself, either people are gonna be irritated with you that you're doing it, or they're just gonna ignore you and they're gonna, or there. I guess the other option is that the order just gonna crap all over you, which would totally suck.
Speaker 1:
So you know, that's kind of all I have for today, but I just wanted to make sure. Like, how can you be kind to yourself? What is the little thing that you could say, what is the little term that you can change so that it makes what you're doing more positive, even if it's a mistake, even if you're working out, whatever it may be? What can make you feel better about what you're doing instead of Comparing yourself to other people or crapping all over yourself? Alright, anyway, thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you. I'm probably gonna take a little break over the holidays because today is the middle of December, so I am probably gonna return in January. So Thank you for your continual, continued loyalty, and Don't forget to shoot me topic ideas and all kinds of other good stuff, because I love to talk more. So, thank you, have a good one, you.