Pain-Free Athlete's Podcast

From Punishment to Pleasure in Pursuit of Fitness

Dana Jones Episode 45

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Join me as I take you on a journey where the pavement meets personal growth under the rejuvenating sun of spring. I've often associated running with punishment, but as the seasons change, so does my perspective. I'm lacing up to transform running into a mindful pursuit of joy. Together, we'll navigate the tender path of starting slow, setting boundaries, and honoring our bodies to prevent injury—a lesson in patience as much as it is in fitness. Embrace the struggle of the run and the triumph of resilience, step by patient step.

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The Pain-Free Podcast is presented solely for general information, education, and entertainment purposes. Any information presented in this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional diagnosis. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. As always, users should not disregard or delay obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition that they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones. I am a certified personal trainer and I'm here to help you achieve your fitness goals without pain. In each episode, I'll share tips and strategies that will help you stay safe and pain-free while you're working out. I'll also interview experts in the field of fitness and pain management. So if you're ready to learn how to stay active and pain-free, then subscribe to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast today. Hi everyone and welcome to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones.

Speaker 1:

So it is spring here in California and I'm getting super excited because spring and summer are my most favorite times of year, mostly because there's sunlight, which is always lovely, and the weather gets warm. And because I'm a teacher, then that means that I have a lot of time off unpaid time off during the summer, but yeah, so anyway, I get excited about it because I like it. Plus, I get to be outside and do exercise-y things outside instead of always doing them inside because it's cold and windy or rainy or something like that. Anyway, so I'm, you know, increasing my workout routines and I'm getting excited, which is maybe my thing. Not everybody's excited about working out as much, but I like it. It's a part of who I am. I almost think it's part of my DNA. So here's the deal, though I've been trying to make it to the gym at least once a week, because I'm paying for it, so I think that's probably a good deal. And at work, we started a wellness challenge, and so we're trying to get the kids to move their butts, and so we're taking them on walks two to three times a week, and as I'm walking more, I'm starting to get inspired and I started thinking about it's time to start running. So I know, in the past I've talked about how running is, you know the devil, and obviously I have a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to running.

Speaker 1:

Just a quick review running was always used as a punishment for being late to practice, regardless of the sport I played, whether it was basketball, softball or whatever. Late to practice, regardless of the sport I played, whether it was basketball, softball or whatever. And as I was like thinking about it, I'm like, oh damn, no wonder why I'm so super weird about being late, because I always used to get punished in the sports that I participated for being late with running, and so it crept into all parts of my life. And then of course you have people who are like, oh, if you're on time, you're late, so then I would always try to be, you know, 15 minutes later or 15 minutes early. You know those kinds of things that got drilled into my head. But it's a weird reflection to kind of go back and go. Yeah, that's why, like, being late has a thing for me.

Speaker 1:

It was also used as a punishment in the army, running right along with pushups. It was also used as a punishment in the army, running right along with pushups. And I guess you know, again, through reflection, I was like you know, one of the things or what started the um migraines or the, this idea of neck tension leading to migraines, was me doing pushups. And I'm wondering if it's just essentially these stored emotional weirdness that I have from being screamed at until drop and give me whatever, and that probably has nothing to do with the actual act of committing a push-up. Committing a push-up, doing a push-up, and maybe the emotional stuff of like, oh, I only did these when I was in trouble, so who knows? Anyway, I obviously was inspired to run after reading the Slow AF Run Club by Martinez Evans, and so in the back of my mind it's kind of been dancing there that I want to run and I want to give it, you know, the old college. Try and be more mindful about it and think about my history and trying to put myself in a position where I'm not running as punishment, I'm just trying to move my body because you know, there is a part of me that likes running and you know I'm not going to go run a marathon, but I would like to just be able to run a distance and not die. That would probably be fantastic. Uh, and what I have found out is that shit is hard. So I put, like, um, barriers, uh, a perimeter on me, um, you know, just all the things.

Speaker 1:

I've made sure that I stay within certain parameters when I'm running, and one of them is that I have to stay at a certain speed for at least a week and then I can bump it up. And so, you know, on the treadmill that's very easy, because you start and then you can go like whatever 3.1, 3.2, you know and do whatever. And the running at a slow speed is driving me bananas, because I want progress now and I want to be done with it. So I don't want to run at three miles an hour, even though I know people that walk faster than that. I don't want to run at it because then that looks like I'm slow and I just want to run like the wind and you know, or, as I always say, like get slapped in the forehead and, you know, find a seven minute mile or a five minute mile or whatever the hell I am in terms of my fantasy brain. But so I'm really trying to make a conscious effort to keep it slow and actually allow my body to adapt to the increase in activity, which is intelligent, right, I mean, this is what I, you know, when I coach people, this is what I tell them to do.

Speaker 1:

And I know that for me, I have a history of progressing too quickly. And then, of course, there's an injury or there's, you know, a belief that there's an injury. So then I have to stop. And of course, when you run faster than your body's capable of supporting you, then there's a lot of uncomfortability that is acquired, right, you know. Oh, lungs burn, legs burn, that the, you know, feet hurt, all the things, and for me there's something about being uncomfortable that is a danger signal to my body, right. So of course I, you know, get the cramp and I'm like, holy shit, my leg is going to fall off and so then I have to walk or you know whatever. And then I'm like, why am I out here and all this stuff? So I'm going to dip to a little aside, because I thought it was very interesting and it felt like it was targeted toward me. So I am a Survivor fan.

Speaker 1:

If you are watching Survivor and have not watched the latest episode that aired last night, may 1st, then I don't know, skip ahead a few minutes or something like that, and don't listen to me because I'm going to provide some spoilers. But anyway, all right. So hopefully they're safe and they either paused or hit advance. So I was watching Survivor last night and we're down to where they're individually doing challenges, because then it's one person that gets immunity and so on and so forth. If you're not familiar with the show, bear with me. I'll get to my point.

Speaker 1:

So this one gentleman wins immunity or not immunity. He wins the challenge and so the gift is, uh, applebee's. And I have to tell you they must've said Applebee's like 500 times last night. If we're playing a drinking game, people would be like on the ground, unconscious Cause, I mean, I think Applebee's got their money's worth out of the advertising last night, anyway. So the winner gets Applebee's and these people have been out there for a period of time. They haven't eaten, they're all starving, they're all losing a ton of weight. You know the whole deal. So this is a good challenge to win, because then you get to do it and of course in survivor history it's typically not you win, but then you get to pick somebody else, or you get to pick two people or three people or whatever. So this guy wins and so he says I'm picking so and so.

Speaker 1:

And during the process to lead into this challenge and everything else, there was this one woman who said I love Applebee's. Every Wednesday night my daughter and I sit down and we eat Applebee's and that's like our survivor meal and I always get you know, the bourbon, whatever steak or a burger. And she has insane allergies, like she's pretty much allergic to everything. So she's allergic to fruit, she's allergic to coconut and these are all the staples that people eat when they're on survivor and that's what kind of drives them right, gives them the minimum amount of calories, so they're not 100% in starvation mode, but for the amount of weight that they drop. They're pretty starving. So she is like she tries to win the challenge but of course, because she has not eaten in I don't know, probably seven days or eight days or something like that, because she literally can't eat anything. And they're not doing anything else. It seems that they're not trying to find other things to eat, they're just laying around and waiting for the survivor team to feed them or offer them challenges with food or whatever.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, so she makes this big stink about how she will applebees and this emotional connection to her daughter, and she hasn't eaten and everything else. And she's going on and on and on. And so then she's like you know, pick me, pick me. You know she starts crying and this guy is, you know. So he picks first person, he picks the second person, he picks the third person, and or he goes to pick the third person, or he's got one more person to pick Sorry person, or he goes to pick the third person, or he's got one more person to pick sorry. And so he is debating and he probably debated I don't know how long because you know editing, but probably like two minutes and then finally he's all I picked, so-and-so, and it wasn't the crazy person who wanted the Applebee's dinner because of all the emotional connections Applebee's dinner because of all the emotional connections and she, freaking, lost her mind and she's like I'm pissed. And she just like off the rails screaming at him. You know, you screwed up my game and now you're depriving me of this food, just the whole thing. And it was like, if you watch, you're laughing with me. If you haven't watched, I'm sure you can find it. I know it already popped up on People Magazine as a little video clip because it was pretty epic.

Speaker 1:

And what he said was that you know, I'm really sorry that you're, you know, having all these feelings and I've made my choice, and I was all, oh damn, he's like sticking to his choice, like, and you could tell like he kind of felt bad but he had an agenda and his agenda obviously was to save his own you know survivor life and he was choosing people that he knew would support him or do whatever and he wasn't going to pick her. And she was so mad and you know whatever. And later you know she's obviously still going on because they do like these little private interviews with them, and she's like, oh, you know, she's just mad that she didn't get her Applebee's. And this guy said you know, for a living I'm a boss and I have to fire people and when they, you know, freak out and do all the things, you know he's like it is uncomfortable but they're not doing their job and there's a reason why you know they're losing their job, right, and I have to be OK with that. And later, you know, when they connected and you know, they said oh, you know, how are you feeling now that you haven't had this and you know all this other stuff. And you know, and he said it's OK for her to have her feelings and it was so inside, like, so clearly, this guy has done some work, right, where he's like I hear this, right, you know that this person is freaking out, it's like, and I know that, you know she's mad and I don't want to, you know I don't want to, I guess, bend my will or bend my rules or whatever I have going on to make her happy. Whatever I have going on to make her happy and you know I've talked about this before is that, you know, as humans, we don't always like to witness people's uncomfortable behaviors, right, if somebody is crying or if they're angry at something. You know, a lot of times we become very or incredibly codependent and want to stop that from happening. Right, we want them to stop. You know, don't scream in the store. You know all those things. And I feel like we cheat each other from having real emotional feelings. You know, it's like sometimes you are going to temper tantrum, you are going to do those things, and I think that it's healthy for you to have those feelings, because then you get over it. And that was his thing was that I'm sticking to what I'm doing. She's entitled to have those feelings. It didn't change my mind and I'm really sorry she feels that way, but that's hers to deal with. And I was like, damn, that is fantastic.

Speaker 1:

And I realized, bringing it back to me is that I am like I don't like the uncomfortable feelings, right, the uncomfortable feelings. I am like I don't like the uncomfortable feelings, right, the uncomfortable feelings, whether it's pain, whether it's, you know, oxygen deprivation or whatever the hell I think is happening when I'm running or working out or whatever. Those are uncomfortable feelings, and so I'm treating them like little children that are freaking out. I'm trying to stop them, right? Oh, I'm so sorry, honey, don't? You know, don't be upset, don't cry, don't freak out. Right here, here we go, I'm giving you what you want and again, me doing that has created this pattern of not having uncomfortable feelings.

Speaker 1:

Like the minute something gets uncomfortable, okay, I'm done, you know, and that's not ideal, right, we want to have those feelings. It is okay to have those feelings. I mean, obviously I'm working on making sure I understand that those feelings are safe, right, you know, I can be sad and not die. Right, I can cry and not die. I can, you know, get a cramp in my side and be okay, but it's a battle, right, I'm going back and forth with this stuff and what I realized is that there are physical things that are uncomfortable for me and then, probably what's worse is the mental uncomfortable, because it's in between my ears and I don't have. I mean, I guess I could throw myself on the ground or do whatever, but I also don't want to embarrass myself. So a lot of times I just suffer in silence in my head.

Speaker 1:

And you know, I it became apparent because last week I was on the treadmill and I was losing my mind. All of a sudden, I don't know what was going on. I don't know if I didn't have enough to eat, or if it was just a day right, I don't want to blame it on anything. I was just having a day and the day said you're fat, you shouldn't be on the treadmill. Why are you here? Look at those skinny people. You don't look like them. You're not a runner. What were you thinking? What are you thinking? And then you know, and then I'm trying to stop it, right, like, why are you thinking like that? Stop that. You know, be kind to yourself. And on and on and on.

Speaker 1:

And so, literally, I'm on this treadmill and I'm, you know, and I'm doing intervals, which is amazing. So, you know, I'm like, when I'm running, I'm feeling like shit. When I'm walking, I'm like, you know, it's like this bipolar behavior, the treadmill between intervals, and so somehow it went away and I don't know why or how it happened, but it maybe it was because I was answering the questions. You know, why are you here? Well, because this is what I chose to do.

Speaker 1:

You know, yes, you're not at your ideal body shape, size, whatever, but you know, I got some body dysmorphia. So I don't even know if I trust that, because there are times when I look back at pictures where I thought, oh, I'm fat, I'm not going to do. You know, I'm not going to show my body and my body was fine, so that's going to be a really deep dive to kind of get to. You know, I'm never going to be the ideal body type, I guess for me right now, and the work is going to be me shifting what the ideal body type is, or that there is no ideal body type. And if my ass is running, my ass is running and I'm doing better than people who are just sitting on the couch or not working out at all, people who are just sitting on the couch or not working out at all, or whatever I need to do to get right with it. Or maybe, you know, being a little bit bigger and running is actually inspirational to people who may walk in and go, oh, I can never do that. And then they see me running nice and slow and go, oh, maybe I can do that.

Speaker 1:

So you know, there's a lot, like I said, there's a lot going on. I don't have it figured out. I don't know when I'll have it figured out, I don't know if I'll ever have it figured out, but what I decided was that I made a commitment. I need to cut my shit, stop giving myself shit and do the damn work. And if it's slow work, then it's slow work and you're going to suffer through it. And the thing is that I'm creating a base so that the future discomfort is not there. And if I can logically put that together then I should be all right. And yes, I know you're embarrassed, you feel uncomfortable, you're having all these feelings and you only have a few minutes to go, so let's just get it done and you can do some self-care after.

Speaker 1:

And it was just weird, you know, and I hate that I fall victim to it. And in the past I have fallen victim to it and then not returned, right, because it was too much of a battle and it was mentally, emotionally exhausting and I was like, nah, fuck this, I'm not going back. And you know the whatever the committee, the gremlins back, and you know whatever the committee, the gremlins, whoever's in my head, you know they get really freaking loud. And what I realized is that the more that I keep going back, the more I retrain my brain, right, because you know now I'm doing two things, right. So I'm retraining my brain about the pain signals, right, and working on calming myself and letting myself know I'm safe, and apparently I need to do it about my body image and about my ability to perform as an athlete, and I didn't think that that was a thing, but clearly it's a thing. So I'm going to keep coming back because I really, at this point, want to prove that I can run and not die.

Speaker 1:

And you know, as an athlete, you're going to have shit days, because that's just the way it is right, nobody.

Speaker 1:

If every day was a cupcake day or whatever, then you know what is it?

Speaker 1:

Smooth waters make bad sailor, you know, bad captains or whatever. Right, there are going to be days that are going to be rough, and that's when it's time for me to like, retrain my brain, get deep in that neuroplasticity and say you're going to be okay and not let these sensations take over and not constantly bend to their will, because that's not, it's not serving me, right? You know, like, we need to get rid of the habits that do not serve us, and that habit of shitting on myself has never served me, and so that's something that I need to do Is that, you know, just remember that. But I also need to acknowledge the fact that it's, you know little Dana running along and feeling like shit and you know maybe big Dana needs to run next to her and go. You know we're going to be okay, I can help you through this and you know we'll see where we end up. Anyway, I want to thank you so much for listening and I will catch you next time.

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