Decoding the Mind's Source Code

Unravel the 'source code' of your mind with insights from Dr. Sam Rader, a clinical psychologist who has pioneered a method to decode the behavioral patterns that govern our lives. Inspired by my own journey with Dr. Rader's transformative quiz, I discovered my default coping style as 'frustrated,' unveiling layers of defense mechanisms crafted in childhood. By understanding these ingrained patterns, you too can begin to repattern your beliefs and navigate the world with newfound clarity and freedom. The source code isn't just a framework—it's an operating system for change, offering a fresh perspective on personal growth that rivals traditional therapy. Through the guidance of a skilled practitioner, I've started to release these tensions and uncover the emotional burdens held within my body. Join me on this journey toward a more fulfilling existence as we embrace healing and empowerment, shedding old patterns to welcome a more joyful life.

DR. SAM | Source Code | Los Angeles, CA

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The Pain-Free Podcast is presented solely for general information, education, and entertainment purposes. Any information presented in this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional diagnosis. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. As always, users should not disregard or delay obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition that they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Chapters

• 0:05 The Source Code
• 7:59 Exploring and Releasing Inner Tensions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones. I am a certified personal trainer and I'm here to help you achieve your fitness goals without pain. In each episode, I'll share tips and strategies that will help you stay safe and pain-free while you're working out. I'll also interview experts in the field of fitness and pain management. So if you're ready to learn how to stay active and pain-free, then subscribe to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast today. Hi everyone and welcome to the Pain-Free Athlete Podcast. I'm your host, dana Jones, and yeah, so today's episode is about the source code. Yeah, so today's episode is about the source code. This is some it's like a transformative framework that I heard about on a podcast another podcast by Dr Sam Rader and she talks about it and I was like really super intrigued and I I'm gonna tell you what it's all about and I'm gonna explain my process and kind of what I thought about it and how can that be applied to you or not, or whatever. Maybe it's just entertaining listening. So, anyway, what the hell is the source code? So the source code was created by Dr Sam Rader.

Speaker 1: 1:21

She's a clinical psychologist and she was kind of tired of being a psychologist because she felt like, um, people were just regurgitating the same story over and over again and that they were kind of living in the story and weren't really doing anything to change it because of what she called hidden, hidden patterns of behavior, um, behavior that were formed in childhood. And so what she did or at least this is my kind of reader's digest version of it is that she uses this technique to kind of deep dive into your issues, uses almost like a hypnosis or like a hypnotic type state to like walk you through. It's almost like EMDR with words, um, and EMDR, you know, is the rapid eye movement and also like talking through stuff, but it's there is no eye movement, it's more meditative. Anyway, um, the whole idea is to kind of get you to really have a targeted approach toward overcoming whatever your, I guess, default tendencies are. And I thought it was cool because you know, she said, you know you can have people in therapy for years and years and years and that's not really an ideal environment, right, you know people go to therapy because there's an issue. Really an ideal environment, right, you know, people go to therapy because there's an issue and what a therapist would like to do is get you to recognize the issue make a change, and then you know, either not have that issue or have the issue evolve into something differently different, and so I thought this was kind of interesting.

Speaker 1: 3:00

So she describes the source code as like your operating system. It determines how we engage with the world. It helps us identify patterns that we see. You may hear things like perfectionist, avoider, caretaker, and so by us identifying what those are in ourselves, we can better understand what. What is what our tendencies happen to be.

Speaker 1: 3:26

So why did I think it was important? Because you know, for me it's like there are those limiting beliefs that pop up and I always am curious, as you've heard in previous episodes of like where do these things come from? And she has kind of like, almost like hacked it, like almost like you know what. What it is is that she doesn't have time for bullshit and she just decided it's like get, let's look at the problem, let's dive deep into the emotions and your patterns and, you know, change that shit. You know, throw it out the window and go ahead and let's repattern a new thought process so that you can move along. And I'm all I'm in. So anyway, there are.

Speaker 1: 4:08

She has like 13, I believe, or 12 coping styles? I'm not sure, Anyway, because I didn't go that deep of a dive. It was more about me and not necessarily about the whole theory. But anyway, it's like you know, what are the tendencies that people do you know like? So, are they omnipotent? Are they disconnected? Are they symbiotic? Are they idealizing? So she has a quiz on her website.

Speaker 1: 4:33

I took the quiz and it was kind of funny because I came out with my tendency being frustrated and, of course, I was like embarrassed and irritated. I was like, oh, you don't know, frustrated, right, because I didn't read everything, because I was preoccupied with other shit, so I wasn't really paying attention to everything. And she says, like your coping styles are your defense mechanisms that you adopt as a little kid, right? This is the stuff you do, this is how you deal with other people. And then it becomes like your default setting. And she says infants and young children becomes like your default setting. And she says, infants and young children, we're like little sponges, we suck up whatever we're taught, both explicitly and implicitly, from our environments.

Speaker 1: 5:13

So my coping style being frustrated goes into this whole thing about like you feel like the world's against you, you're stuck, you've been stuck and you believe that things can't change. You believe that you can't win by winning. You've mastered the art of winning by losing. And there's covert acts of passive aggression and sabotage. And I was like hell, no, that's not me. I mean, yes, I do believe sometimes that things are against me, but I don't necessarily go out to like sabotage people, like I'm not an active frustration person, I'm just like what did I describe? No, I don't want to spoil it, I'll describe it later.

Speaker 1: 5:47

But anyway, it says you know, in order to cope, you may be subverting, meaning that you're outwardly compliant but secretly kicking others under the table. You may be sacrificing, giving up everything you want for the good of others, while bitterly resenting them. You may be withholding, like clamping down and never allowing anyone any satisfaction. Or you may be withstanding, where you're proving yourself by enduring and overcoming great pain. And then I was like ding, ding, ding. So I obviously I am, um, very much a sacrificing type person. I do give up what I want for the good of others, because I don't like discourse and I also just like want to move things along right. And it's like, oh, if we have to sit there and have a discussion, I'm the only one holding out, let's go. And then I do, and I think this is like a female trait in the whole withstanding, right, you know.

Speaker 1: 6:46

And going back to what she said, it's like proving yourself by enduring and overcoming great pain, and that is just. We do that as women, right? Is that? This idea is like I could do everything and anything and I can withstand all kinds of bullshit and show up. On the other side, right, I continue to show up and on one aspect, you're like, oh, that's fantastic, you're so, you know you're. So what do I want to say? Like, just, you know, determined and whatever it may be, but it's kind of BS, right? The reality is that we just take being kicked and punished and weird shit, just because that's what we're supposed to do, right? We're not supposed to speak up, we're supposed to continue to show up and show out, and you know, that's just what we do, anyway. So she says, healing your frustrated wound means learning that you can win by winning. It means that using your anger for good to actually take aim and erect boundaries that get your life flowing in the direction that you want. When you're in flow, you step into a clear, clean sense of your own agency. Resistance gives way to flow as you become the captain of your own ship I can't becomes I won't and you discover the true power of your will.

Speaker 1: 7:59

Boundaries are a beautiful thing. We've talked about them are a beautiful thing, we've talked about them and I can see how this you know older Dana. You know, a few years back, this was a big thing for me. Was this idea of, um, not really setting boundaries right, because you know you don't want to upset anybody by setting boundaries. People don't like boundaries all the time. But anyway, so I took the little quiz. Life got lifey and so I didn't have the ability to kind of connect with one of their practitioners, and so I just did this past week and it was really interesting.

Speaker 1: 8:38

So I had an appointment On Monday. I'm recording this on Thursday, and so it's like okay, well, why are you here? And I was like well, I feel like I'm stuck. You know there's things going on in my life. You know I'm not going to go into whole detail, but you know there's this thing about being stuck and I feel like I can't unstick myself because I have responsibilities, right, you know, it's like food on the table roof overhead, you know, know all those kinds of things and it's and. But there's also this competition that I have within myself to do things like bigger, better, you know, better than before. And nobody pays attention, right, it's not anybody. I'm not competing with other people, I'm not doing whatever. This is just all self-inflicted, as I like to. So, you know, we do the work and again, I'm not going to go into great detail and it comes out.

Speaker 1: 9:29

It's like, you know, there's things that need to, or I need to, shift right in my thinking and understanding. Right, and it goes back to um a time when my father was working and going to college. At the same time, my mother was also working, um, and I think I was at the age where I didn't have an understanding. I just knew I was alone and I felt this overwhelming responsibility to make sure that when my parents got home, shit was handled. You know, it's like I warmed up dinner, I, you know, cleaned the house, I was the perfect little girl who did my homework and whatever, so that I didn't bother them, right, because I know, like that's definitely one of my things is like I don't want to bother you, right, and I didn't want to bother my parents because I knew they were working hard.

Speaker 1: 10:14

But also the other side of it was that little Dana was like left to her own devices at a very not terribly young age, but a young age, and that because of the lack of information I may created my own storyline. And you know where I have to be serious. I have to be responsible. I have to write the word, I have to earn that word but the phrase I have to, or not word but the phrase I have to. And that became like my mantra through my young adulthood and until my 55 year old ass right, it was like I have to. I'm better at it, you know, because I catch myself when I say I have to, but there's shifts that need to happen in my life, my life, and I go back to the I have tos because it is my default setting.

Speaker 1: 11:07

So we did our appointment and you know, we talked about like the tension that she could see in my body. This was all through zoom, and so I had, you know, did some breathing and felt myself kind of. You know, there's that little nod that happens when you go really deep, you know, and I did all the stuff and kind of came out and I was like trying to decide, like whether or not this was bullshit or whether or not actually something happened. So stuff, you know, finished right, we wrapped it up. You know, if you'd like, we can do this again. You know why don't you sit on it for a few days? Here's some homework which I'll share with you a little bit later.

Speaker 1: 11:50

But you know, I get done and then I go and do my the rest of my day and the next morning I woke up and I felt like I got hit by a truck and there was this unraveling, I guess, of muscles that had occurred and I thought, well, it's because I did something else. You know, just, of course, you always try to make excuses for all the things that you've done and I realized that there was so much tension in my body that it was, you know, the muscle soreness was that like visceral, right down to my core release. And it was so interesting because at first I thought, oh no, like you know, was it weird? And I created a migraine. You know, because that is a tendency, right, I go back to that, and then I have to talk myself out of it. It's like, no, you're safe.

Speaker 1: 12:44

You know, this is different. This isn't, you know, what you have felt in the past, and so then I'm going through it. It's like damn, everything is sore, you know, like arms are sore, back is sore, legs are sore, like it was just really interesting and not from a workout, and I realized that this was like some tension release that I had and I thought it was interesting because, you know, we do hold things in our body, right, that's part of, you know, dr Sarno's whole concept, right? Is that there are stress, there are things that anger, resentment. All those things are in our bodies and our, you know goal is to let them go in our bodies and our, you know goal is to let them go right, get out of your body, you know, get those you know repetitive bad thoughts out of your head so that you can live your life and enjoy yourself. And so, you know, I'm going to do whatever I need to do to kind of get into it.

Speaker 1: 13:44

But it's, it's very interesting how that just um, you know, just showed up for me, and so some of the things that kind of happen, right, is that this emotional processing is never something that just happens, right, there's always this piece where it takes a few days. It may be it takes a couple of weeks. It may take a year, a month. You know whatever, whoever you are and how, how you go, and you have to process it however you do. Right, you're your own person, so you have to kind of figure it out. But for me, the interesting piece was just this idea of like, damn, there's some things that I still need to work on. I know I need to work on the things, but I kind of act like I don't, which I think is pretty entertaining that I have these thoughts, but anyway. So this woman gave me some homework, right, and I thought this was something that I could share with you because I thought it was really it's just anything that anybody could follow. You don't have to do this program to. You know, to be a part of it.

Speaker 1: 14:59

So one thing is like noticing your flow. She's like look for evidence of things that once felt stuck, beginning to move more easily. You know where are you saying no, where are you choosing what you get to do instead of you know the have-tos right, that kind of thing. Number two create stillness. Practice spending some time in quiet stillness. You know she's like you can weigh yourself down with a weighted blanket, some pillows or even a loved one. If you feel more tethered, I'm like I don't need, you know, anybody laying on top of me. That's a little bit trappage, you know, kind of thing you know. And then she's like are you, you know, able to access the feeling of a safety net? You know, because we talked about that, you know, where are you able to find, like a safe, quiet, spacious place in your life, as well as physical space?

Speaker 1: 15:54

And then the last one, which made me giggle, because this is something that I've worked on in Al-Anon, this is I've, you know, it's just something that I always knew about myself is that I need to embrace, play. You know, I, as a little kid, I just wanted to be a little kid, I wanted to be free, I wanted to not be responsible, I didn't want to be responsible for other people, I just wanted to just do things. I didn't feel like I ever had that ability. Now, whether that was something that my parents did or whether it was something that I interpreted, we'll never know, because I don't even know if my thoughts or my beliefs about things are accurate, because they're, you know, 50 years old. So you know, clearly I made a lot of decisions about how things were.

Speaker 1: 16:43

But she asked you know, how can you nurture and really see that playful part of myself, like how can I play? And I did, like yesterday I had students, had students, and you know we were doing something and we were kind of messing around and you know I took that time to like, enjoy and let them play, because I think a lot of times teenagers feel this obligation to be older than they are and that's not something that, um, we should rush. You know you have. You know what is the average age of death in the United States? What is it? 81 for women and 77 for men, and that may be old statistics, but we're around that. I think now we're starting to come back down.

Speaker 1: 17:27

But the whole point is that you have your entire life to work. You have your entire life to be responsible for things, and if you can give your child, or if you're a kid listening to this, if you have the ability to play and enjoy being a kid and not having the responsibilities of having to put food on somebody's plate, a roof over your head or those kinds of things like what a joy it is to be as carefree as, like I don't know two-year-old, right, like you know how they giggle and they just play and there's no worry in the world, right, like that. Stuff needs to come out and we need to recognize when those moments are there. So, again, you know you could try this or not, those three things, right, noticing the flow, creating stillness and embracing play. Those are things that anybody can do, whether you choose to do Sam Raider's work or something similar or not at all.

Speaker 1: 18:26

But just think about what are you doing things? You know how are you doing things for yourself, what are moments that you take to notice the things around you and see the beauty and have gratitude and all that other good stuff. So if this works for you, great. I will put all the information for Sam Reeder's work in the show notes and you know, as always. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate everyone out there. Don't forget to like and leave a review and if you feel like you want somebody else to hear this episode, please feel free to share it. And until next time, I will catch you later.